Time with you

 I hung out in your room tonight for about 15 mintes while they twins were in the bath, Josh was with dad at his offie and Ellie was at a friend's house. You showed me some pictures on your phone, we played with the kittens and talked about your friends, Carlos (who visited today) and Emmerson. I really loved having that 1:1 time with you to talk and hang out. You're an amazing kid and I love seeing you turn into an amazing young man. You're growing up so fast. I love you Buddy. More than you will probably ever know until you have your own kids. 

Love, Mom

Your heritage

 Dear Oliver, 

It has been way too long since I've written to you here. I want to share an experience we shared last night. Sometimes on Sundays I like to open the FamilyTree app and read about some of our ancestors. Yesterday I read about a boy named Thomas Roberts, your great, great, great, great grandpa. I told you about his parents, Samuel and Mary Roberts. Their home was a "lodging house," kind of like a bed and breakfast or small hotel. Missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints stayed in their home and taught them the gospel while they were there. (I'm grateful they did. I'm grateful for their courage in sharing the gospel so that we can have the gospel in our lives.) The family joined the church. At this time, Thomas was ten years old, just a little younger than you. They saved for five years until they had enough to travel by boat with their five children to America. After arriving in New York, they took a train to Nebraska and met up with the Saints who were crossing the plains to Salt Lake City, Utah. They crossed the plains by foot when Thomas was 15 years old. Shortly after arriving, his 18 month old sister got sick and died. Later, his mom had another baby and the baby and Mary both died on the day he was born. Samuel, Thomas' dad, worked at the local newspaper shop and Thomas did an apprenticeship with his dad there for two years before getting hired to work there as well. When Thomas was 19, he married Sidione Eliza Constance Bunot. Eliza was born in Switzerland and lived in France as a little girl. Her parents joined the church and made plans to move to America to meet up with the Saints as well. Sidione was an only child and the only grandchild. When her grandparents found out, they wanted her to stay with them in France. In Sidinoe's history she writes that she remembers always having one of her parents with her or being locked in her room to keep her safe from those in her grandparent's family who wanted to kidnap her to keep her in France. Sidione's family also traveled by boat to New York, then to Nebraska, then across the plains to Salt Lake City, Utah. 

Catching up

 Dear Oliver,

I cannot believe I haven't written here in almost a year! Time goes by so quickly, it's difficult to keep up. A few things I wrote down that I want to remember:

January 2020

While I was driving you to your bus stop one morning you said, "I love you Mom. You're the best mom." That melted my heart.

You had an incident where you learned at school about stereotypes. Your teacher gave the example that all black people are lazy is considered a stereotype. You were then explaining this to a friend on the bus on the way home and some black girls heard you and thought you were saying all black people are lazy. They were hurt and defensive. One of these girls is in our ward. This ended up being a good teaching opportunity for Dad and me to help you understand a little about racism and treating everyone with kindness and respect, even though you weren't intending to be racist or unkind.

April 2020

Dad was getting ready to go somewhere and had his phone. You said, "Dad, you'll need your charger. Your phone is at 6% - not enough for your big conversations." I thought that was funny.

June 2020

Dad taught you guys about the word "succor" in the scriptures and how Jesus is able to succor us because he knows what pain we have experienced and has suffered it for us. Your penis was hurting (I think one of the twins may have jumped on it) and you said, "I want Dad. He succors me. You're not a boy. You don't understand." Good point.

I overheard this funny conversation between you and Josh. Josh said, "My throat wants more water but my tummy is too full." You said, "What does your heart want to do?" Josh said, "It's just minding its own business pumping blood!" This describes you and Josh pretty well. He is more logical and you lean towards feelings.

July 2020

Instead of saying "Good idea" you and Josh say, "Idea good." 

You spent two weeks with Grandpa Chell and Nana Dot in CA. While talking to you on the phone I said, "We love and miss you Buddy." You said, "I know. It's not really anything new." I thought this was amusing.

August 2020

I overheard this between you and Josh: You said, "Jimmy is a traitor." Josh said, "Yeah, he traded happiness for anger."

You said to me, "Mom, you're not really into fashion, are you?" Later you asked, "What would you describe as your style?" I told you "simple and comfortable."

October 2020

Halloween came and went. We went trick or treating at Pacana Park and only to Cindy and Rocky Acord's house on Halloween night. You were Spiderman again at Pacana and a hotdog on Halloween night. The hotdog was your idea and I really liked it.

I came downstairs and heard the tv on one morning. This was concerning because we have a rule of no tv before school on school mornings. Before I could open my mouth, I saw you with Love, sitting on blankets in a little cat home type of set up and you had calming music for cats with anxiety on youtube on the tv with pictures of cats cycling through. It made me smile. I love that you love animals. 

Lately you LOVE Amy's lentil soup from a can.

A Couple of Quotes

Dear Oliver,

Just a couple of things to jot down quickly.

• The other day I got a call on my phone from a number I didn't recognize so I didn't answer it. It called right back so I answered that time. Your voice on the line said, "Hey Mom, it's me, your kid Oliver." I thought it was funny how you said that. You were calling to ask if you could get off at an earlier bus stop near the entrance to Maricopa because a kid on the bus wet their pants and it smelled bad. I said to plug your nose and go to your regular stop. 
• I don't remember exactly what you were talking about but you said, "We have Dad with us. We'll be fine."
• For the past few months I have let you ride your bike to and from piano lessons here in our neighborhood. You're doing it and have been very responsible. I love that I can trust you more and more.
• I don't think I took note of it here but you advanced to a yellow belt in karate in September. You worked so hard to memorize your combinations. You demonstrated them perfectly. Dad and I got to watch and we were so proud of you!
• Right now you want to be an inventor. You are interested in Science, which I think is really cool. You also want to be a famous artist. I can see that you love to express yourself creatively. I told you my great grandfather, Betran Youth Andelin, was a famous artist and you thought that was pretty cool. We have one of his paintings (of an ocean) in our front room. It is fun seeing your strengths and interests. You also seem to enjoy playing the piano quite a bit.
• The other night I was in your room with you at bedtime. You told me, "I feel safe when you're in my room." I loved hearing that. 
• Recently you saw my to-do list sitting on the counter and exclaimed, "Wow, you have a lot going on!" 
• Lately we have been having weekly 1:1 time again and I think it's really good for our relationship. I love spending that time with you.

Love you Bud.

Mom

A few thoughts

Dear Oliver,

A few thoughts and some observations these past few months:

• You were eating lunch by yourself one day and I observed you fold your arms, bow your head and whisper a prayer out loud. You could have skipped the prayer but you didn't. You seem to have a testimony of prayer, which is a beautiful thing and it will serve you well in your life. I can testify to you that prayer is a gift from our Heavenly Father to communicate with him. It can be powerful but even when it seems habitual without power, it keeps us moving in the right direction and keeps the lines of communication open with our Father.
• A couple of months ago you told me, "Mom, I love you as a mom. I'm not just saying that to be kind. I'm saying it because it's true." This meant a lot to me. I love you too, Oliver. You are one the best things that has ever happened to me.
• You started 4th grade on August 1st! And to your surprise and excitement, when we went to meet the teacher night, you discovered Michaela is in your class and assigned to sit right next to you. 
• Recently you asked your friend Elijah, "Am I a good friend?" "Yeah," he replied. "Am I kind?" you asked. "Yeah," he replied again. I love that you're thinking about what kind of friend you are. 
• The twins sometimes get into your room and dump out your legos. You get so frustrated with them, understandably. I think sometimes you wish you didn't have siblings. I remind you that Heavenly Father gave us families so we can learn and become who He wants us to be.
• We sometimes pull a question out of a small box to answer while we eat dinner. Eleanor picked one that asked, "Who is your hero?" She said, "Oliver because he's nice."
• I want to share some thoughts I've had recently about trials, as I've been experiencing some lately: Trials teach us so much. We become better versions of ourselves when we go through them with full purpose of heart, intent and humility. Trials hold a sacred space, as does repentance. The atonement is meaningful in both. Experiencing trials allows for a consecrated time of learning and growth. Trials keep our priorities in order.
• When Dad gave you a blessing at the start of the new school year, he blessed you to "Be like the sun, bringing light to others."
• Dad and I went to CA for a few days for a leadership seminar and you guys stayed with Sarah and Steven Chaston. You weren't very excited about it and I think you missed us a lot. Sometimes being away from each other helps us realize how much we appreciate each other.

I love you Bud.

Love, Mom

Michaela

Dear Oliver, tonight as I was tickling your back at bed time and saying goodnight, you started talking about Michaela, the girl you like. You told me you have loved her since first grade and that you two had a good connection in second grade and then this year you were in separate classes. You said she thinks she likes you because she would give you a look like she likes you while she would watch you play kickball but that there was also this other boy named Lorenzo who always tried to make himself look handsome for her. You told me you hope she will be in your class next year and that you connect again. I love how you used the word "connect." It seems like such a mature thing to say. And then you said this, "I like Michaela because she is kind to everyone and she has a soft, kind voice." Wow. You blew me away with that comment (and Dad too, when I told him later). Such a proud parenting moment. We try so hard to teach you guys the importance of kindness and that is the thing that stands out to you the most about this girl. That's pretty awesome. You then told me you wanted to have a playdate with her so you could be alone with her to tell her that you love her. You said you want to go into a room alone with her and lock the door. (So of course that led to why boys should not be alone with girls and that led you to ask me, "Mom, has Dad seen your vagina?" I wasn't expecting that question but I love that you feel comfortable asking us anything and that we have an open relationship. I told you yes he has and that led to even more questions and conversation.) Buddy, you're growing up. I love the person you're becoming.

You just got back from three days of Cub Scout Day Camp and had a blast. Dad went with you and it was so great for you two to have that time together. There was a boy there from your troop, Phineas. He struggled a lot at camp with regulating his emotions. We found out later that he is autistic, which means his brain doesn't work the same way other kids' brains do, and things that come easy to some kids, like managing emotions, do not come easily to him. It has been pretty awesome to see you over the past few days try to be a friend to him but also to come to some self realization. Phineas had to leave camp early the second day because he was having a difficult time with his emotions and he didn't come back the third day. Dad told me you were concerned about him and wanted to know if he was okay. Today you told me, "Phineas has a hard time with his anger like I used to when I was younger." This is such progress for you, Buddy. To realize this is something you used to struggle with but that you are now doing much better with helps build your confidence, I think. Dad is putting together a "Phineas Day" for him since he had to leave camp early. You guys are going to launch rockets, shoot bbs, fly kites, and have lunch. You have an amazing dad. Dad cried as he tried to help Phineas regulate at camp, with his arms around him. Dad would do anything for anyone in need and his heart has really gone out to this boy.

This mom is tired so I'm heading to bed. Love you Bud.

Lately

Dear Oliver,

Such a handsome kid. 

It's been too long since I've shared my thoughts with you. Time goes by so quickly, it's difficult to keep up. I know it probably doesn't seem that way when you're a kid but for grown ups, time flies by. This year especially, the school year went by so fast and I can't believe we're already a few weeks into summer.

I have seen so much growth and progress in you lately. So much maturity and spiritual development. You are also learning how to control your emotions more and I think you are gaining more confidence. Sometimes things still get rough. There are ups and downs. But you recover more quickly and the meltdowns where you seem to feel out of control are fewer and further between. Dad and I talk a lot about how far you've come and what a great kid you are.

A few things of note lately:

• One night a couple of months ago we left you guys with some babysitters (two sisters who stayed with you) and you didn't care for them much. You seemed to but heads with them and felt frustrated and upset. When I came home and checked on you, I noticed  on the shelf in your room. I wish I had taken a picture of it but basically you wrote out all of your feelings about the babysitters and why you felt the way you did. I have to say, it was a proud moment for me to see that you had written out your feelings. That is such a healthy way to process them.
• Lately you love using the words "literally" and "physically." "I was literally just saying that." "That is physically right over there." 
• This quote was from a few months ago after Dad got back from a business trip. He was asleep. You said, "I don't want to wake him. I just want to feel his spirit."
• A couple of months ago, you said of Nathan and Zach, "I just love how they talk. They're professional babies." 
• You told Grandma Utah you want to teach people how to be healthy when they grow up for your job. #proudparentingmoment 
• You said a super sweet prayer on Mother's Day that left me amazed. You said, "I'm thankful for my mom who gave us life an for all she does for us and for Mother's Day to celebrate her." Wow! You are an amazing kid, Buddy. 
• A while back, you prayed for Brody, a boy who is a bully at school, that he will be kind and happy. You did this, like Enos prayed for his enemies. I was really proud of you for praying for him. That's not an easy thing to do.
• Every day I challenge you and Josh to do "three kind things." I think you guys get sick of me saying it but I hope it is getting imprinted in your minds. Kindness is one of the best gifts we can give others.
• When you prayed on the night of General Conference, you said, "Please help us to build mighty fortresses around us to protect us." What an amazing prayer from a 9-year-old boy!

A couple of things I've heard recently on podcasts that have resonated with me and I want to share: 

• "At critical moments in our lives, we will hear multiple voices competing for our attention." I agree with this. My mission comes to mind. When I was in the MTC (Missionary Training Center), I felt peaceful and right about my decision to serve a mission but then there was this very real opposition that was constant and would not relent. The adversary forcefully put negative words into my mind (even terrible words when I was in the temple, that I could not get out of my mind), images when I closed my eyes, and thoughts of fear about my sister dying before I came home if I served a mission. I powered through all of it with prayer, study, faith and determination and my mission was truly one of the greatest blessings of my life. I am continually grateful for that opportunity. 
• "You will get out of it what you put into it." This is true for everything in life. If you put in your best effort, you will reap those rewards. If you give a half-hearted attempt, you will likely not get much out of it. This goes for your education (learning by turning in homework you worked hard on vs. homework you flew through without really processing), your spiritual education, your relationships, etc. 

These are a few of my thoughts lately. I love you and I'm proud of you and the young man you're becoming. 

Love, Mom